Dating in 2024
the struggle is un-real but at least we’re struggling together right?
Oh, the wild, wild world of dating in 2024! As a 26 year old queer woman, navigating this landscape feels like a rollercoaster designed by an overimaginative five year old—exciting, yes, but also slightly nausea-inducing. Trust me, I’ve got tales to spin, and not all of them are pretty.
Until two-ish years ago I was in a long term relationship. My first serious girlfriend and I had dated for about two and a half years, lived together through COVID and all but we were both dealing with a lot and parted ways. After taking some time to grieve and heal, I decided I was ready to date again. Mind you, I had never really dated around before so it all felt very foreign still and some of it had even changed from just a few years earlier.
I signed up for an app and got to swiping. My friends in the past had teased me for being “too picky” but I have standards, I wouldn’t even say they’re extremely high but they are set and I won’t waiver. So yes, approximately 97% of my swipes were to the left but when I would find matches people ghost, never initiate or respond to conversation, or through conversation you realize you’re not as compatible as the five fun facts and one travel anecdote on their profile would have lead you to believe. So I thank my lucky stars that I did not agree to meet for drinks and move on to the next one.
Eventually I did end up going on a few dates but in all honestly I was not looking for love. Now don’t get me wrong, if I felt it happening or saw that potential I wouldn’t shut it down but I was open to all possibilities. This was a sort of exploratory phase for me. I was dating men for the first time, learning more about what I want and don’t want, and about who I am.
Now, let’s talk about something I really hadn’t anticipated while trying to get back out there, the prevalence and popularity of polyamory. Of course I was familiar with the concept but really the only exposure I had had to it was from realty TV shows. So I was shocked to see it as an option to include on your profile on multiple datings apps. I messaged with a few people in the lifestyle and started to learn more about it but I still felt clueless until someone recommend the book The Ethical Slut (which I’d love to do a whole other post about) but it really opened my eyes to how these types of relationships work and why they are becoming more and more common. And in theory I’m all for it, seriously. The idea of loving multiple people openly and honestly is beautiful. It really fosters love and community but damn, does it seem complicated!
And don't even get me started on the “bi-curious” tag. It’s as if people think we’re just experimenting for kicks, like trying a new flavor of ice cream. Spoiler alert: it’s not a phase, Karen. It’s my life. The number of times I’ve had to explain that I’m not just “going through a bi phase” or that I don’t have to “pick a side” is frankly exhausting. And if I had a dollar for every time I was pursued as a unicorn or third for a couple, I could probably fund my own dating app—one where these questions are banned. I totally understand and respect that some people are still figuring out what they like so the “exploring” tag would be much more appropriate and they are a ton of people out there that would be happy to help you with that 😉
So, what’s the takeaway here? Dating in 2024 is a mixed bag of thrilling, exasperating, and occasionally very enjoyable experiences.
If you’re trying to navigate dating during this late stage capitalism hellscape, here are a few suggestions . . .
be safe.
In all the ways! Send your location to a friend, roommate, parent, whoever. Make sure somebody knows where you are and where you are going. Also if you’re going to have sex, be smart about it. Use protection and talk about testing before you get to freaking.
Get out of your comfort zone!
Go out and experience things! Maybe try dating someone who isn’t exactly your “type”, you might be surprised.
To paraphrase Miss Dolly Rebecca Parton . . .
Figure out what you want and do it on purpose
Before you start dating figure out what you want from dating. Are you looking for marriage? Are you just looking to date around? Have sex? Whatever it is communicate that with the person you are dating before you get too deep into it. It’s not fun or fair for anyone if you’re just dating for funsies while this other person is imagining a future with you.
